Another Yearlong Battle Fought, but the War continues on.

Whats up party people in the place to be? It’s your host, your author, that one random guy you may see on the internet every s often, me, Dan the Man!

I was gonna save this for a tweet but since this blog will be a tweet I’ll write it here:

I was laying in bed and thinking that I wanted to get a girlfriend. Then I noticed an odd smell circulating in my room, realized the house was a mess, and pondered if I was really as financially stable as I wanted to be before seeking a romantic partner that I could potentially live and pay rent with.

Basically it wasn’t all adding up, and there seems to be a lot more I need to do before I can seriously pursue a romantic interest. Some would, and could disagree but, I still don’t feel comfortable. And, I’ve been in relationships in the past, when I was a teenager, a bit in my 20’s, nothing ever came of it but I know my way around the opposite sex, it just feels like now, at 33, a relationship isn’t “fun” and “sex,” it’s a lot of responsibility. Sure you can have fun I’m sure it’s recommended but if you want to start a family you gotta actually care about this person, nurture them, and hopefully you grow together. Maybe it’s because I’m following a ton of girls on instagram and constantly putting tits in my face but I’m definitely rethinking or gaining a new perspective on dating and what it means to be a lover or partner.

Anyway, enough about that. My Uber Eats order was just dropped off at the wrong address and no one nearby has any idea where it could be so here I am ordering dinner a second time, after I got my refund of course but still I’m irked. This happens infrequently BUT WHEN IT DOES HAPPEN.

Literally derailed this whole blog…

Christmas is coming up, and I’m working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Depending on what’s going on I might try to take New Years Off but we’ll see what happens, nothing wrong with earning a little extra money if you ask me, but I do wish we got holidays off like everybody else.

I don’t know what to buy for Christmas this year or who to buy for but I did just purchase a present for my brother earlier tonight. I can only do that because we tell each other what we want and then it’s up to the other to go get that requested item so he’s not particularly hard to shop for, but my mom? Not only will I not see her this year I usually buy a series of inoffensive bath and body products and now in my later years I’m kinda picking up on that she doesn’t like them all that much. My brother is stumped too so I’m not alone but still, not like that makes it any easier. Hopefully I figure something out before the big day, and if not I’ll default to lotions I guess. I’d ask but I think she’d be upset if I did.

I’m still mad about my food!

Better Late Than Never!

Hello EVERYBODY! What’s up party people in the place to be and for those 6 new onlookers on Facebook and the many more on Twitter, Howdy!

I wish I was on a tight schedule with these blog posts but I like how the “organic stream of consciousness” timing and flow of my words work as well. Maybe even better than a forced schedule.

So what’s new? I’m kicking ass in school and I’m exploring more art and started back up reading poetry again.

I’ve been on twitter tweeting bits and pieces of what could be a much larger blog but I realized fairly recently that I was only able to publish my books of poetry because I had a large catalog of poems from years of work that were unpublished. I feel now my new writing is writing that I want to publish quickly and that might be a bad approach to how I should continue my career. That being said I’ve managed to write only two poems in the last two months because I’ve been hyper focusing on school, which, ironically, I do kind of have down to a schedule.

I investigate how many sections are in a chapter (about 3) I read a section a day, do the homework the day of the last chapter or a few hours when work is slow before the homework is due and I relax/attend class Friday morning and enjoy my evening at work usually scrolling on my phone, not trying to feed my brain creative sustenance or try to inspire anything from my scholarly attuned consciousness.

I think I need and deserve the break! I can dedicate the summer to being creative everyday but when it comes to being in school it’s vital that I get decent grades or at least passing marks if I plan to continue on to my bachelors degree or even further. I want to go back to school for art too, but that’s not feasible, that’s like a guilty pleasure honestly.

Anyway I haven’t invested the way I planned to either. Last month we got stuck with an additional fee to the rent so all my money went there and now I’m behind on bills. I’m hoping to pay rent by the 3rd week of this month but it’s looking kinda shaky right now, as I remember my credit card bills coming up. Christmas can’t come any sooner I swear, and I haven’t even gone shopping for Christmas yet!!! I used to go shopping early, like in October but now!? I think one year I was still shopping two weeks before Christmas Day. Time flies I swear…

I’m also playing tug of war with dating right now. I activated a few apps and have a profile here and there but honestly I don’t really feel like dating anymore. I thought I had a date lined up with a girl and she never responded and I just go “what’s the point of being on a dating app if you dont want to date!?” Save being afraid to catch COVID I mean c’mon!

I’m also walking more, getting more exercise, changed my meds if it’s affecting my weight loss journey and I’m on a new diet with my brother. My next goal is to maybe wake up early enough to exercise in the morning but with this new diet I’m not sure I’ll need to.

I just want to be sexy man. Is that too much to ask?

See’ya later gators! I have a letter to write lol.

The Time of Mine Birth Draws Ever Closer...

One more year around the mother fucking Sun baby! WHOO!

Somethings Ive written recently that I would like to add to this blog:

A friend on instagram asked “How are you” and this is how I responded:

“Thanks homie, I just tell everyone that I’m telling myself “Another Day Another Dollar” but really I’m really trying to remain positive in a sea of negativity. Dissenting opinions about the government, questioning my own intelligence to placate another’s ideas/opinions and also the more that people marry and have kids the more I feel like I’ll never find “love” at least not “again.” I like to think if I get in shape the bitches will flock to me but that’s not as much of a motivator as I thought it would be and yet, I’m eating salads Mon-Fri, drinking a gallon of water and now, I’m on the cusp of working out in the morning again, because I realize I have the time and that time is also for me. Working out is also for me, and it has to be and I’ve realized that, slowly I realized it but I realized it. Otherwise I try to enjoy life, I’m playing video games less and I have an INCREDIBLE backlog but I think I will get around to it in time, just trying to make other things a priority.

Maybe be the student I wasn’t in high school.

Anyway that last message hit the Instagram word limit (lmao) how are you?”

*******************

“Again on Instagram I updated my drawing/art profile”

I just finished watching Star Wars Visions and man, I wanna be a Jedi. Shit was dope.

Artistically I’ve been letting it all hit the back burner as I try to focus on school. I have like an A right now and I want to keep it that way but I got the drive a little NUDGE if you will to work on my stories/comics.

I have this feeling that if I don’t do it now, even if I hate how I draw, it’ll never get done so I gotta start the process and finish it before it’s too late. I also wanted to look up the best way to make comics because I HONESTLY feel like starting this bitch on some 8.5x11in Printer Paper and just drawing it like I would in High School or some shit. I mean those are the materials I’m comfortable with and while I’ve searched before I never did find a large format scanner, because I honestly think I’ll be better off starting on traditional media and maybe scanning it in and cleaning it up digitally. But that’s just me.

Anyway, that’s where I am right now, new blog soon coming with the new month on my website. So be there or be square… I mean you’ll still TECHNICALLY be square if you read my blog because it’s powered by Squarespace but WHATEVER.

Ok Bye.

*************

I will now continue these two, separate thoughts.

So for the words to my friend… I was going to continue writing even more, he didn’t respond to me but I guess that’s okay, maybe I was the one taking it too far, maybe the question was superficial. I guess it just jumps right into the next body of text however, I’m thinking about all the art I want to make, all the projects I have strewn about my computer that I want to complete.

I’m really just now budding as an artist, just now getting firm in my stance and planting my roots. They say some great people didn’t really pop off until they were 40 but I feel like I don’t want to just wait until some arbitrary number to go “Ok, my time to shine!” I’m sure there was much more work put in than just getting to 40. I still have 7 years until 40, 7 years is a good chunk of time.

Another thing I want to work on/accomplish is getting financially stable. I just deleted the default lists Robinhood gives you when you first open the app and now I’m going to create my own. I think a good goal to set for next year is to have at least 1 share in all the stock options I list but I’ll get serious about that in January. Buy less video games, focus on my future, that sort of thing.

I’m also dating again, or at least I created profiles on a few dating platforms. I need to get out there and meet people, I need to get laid, I need to try to make it work with someone else at least once before I decide to swear myself off from women for the rest of my days. I don’t think it’ll get that far but all my friends that got married and have kids by now, they knew what they were doing, this dating landscape is hell on earth. Believe that.

Anyway, I’m home from work early and relaxing with YouTube.

My birthday is this month, but I don’t have any plans…

Meh.

Stuck :: Exhausted

I haven’t written a poem for maybe a week or two now, and I haven’t drawn a picture in even longer.

Keeping up with the world, I think I mentioned in my last blog post that I was trying to make NFT’s? That’s gone no where from initial idea to not even a sketch. One thing about having a laptop and an iPad is that one of the two always feels unnecessary, but you need one or the other for niche things, infuriating.

I haven’t organized my photos into folders, my buddy and I are making a zine, I’m probably going to spend hours at home scanning things into my computer this weekend.

Artistically, I’m kind of a mess.

Every other aspect of my life? Not bad.

Still single and ready to mingle, the next Disco Night is at a new venue and on a Friday and I’m not sure I want to show up in my work suit but I can’t change into costume really or I feel that the costume needs at good wash and I almost want to go in my work clothes but getting the sweat out? I’m not sure. I just haven’t decided yet but I know it’s in October so maybe by the time the date comes up I’ll have made a decision. Hopefully.

I wish it were on a Saturday, so much easier to manage.

Anyway I’ve been kind of rambling here but yeah I’m artistically burnt out. I know this feeling, and generally I beat myself up for it but this time I’m going to ride it out. Just the things that I used to do and enjoy I’m doing less and less frequently as it gets easier to sit in bed and watch YouTube until I fall asleep, wake up, and do it again. Like there are videos about 18th century cooking that I’ve found myself watching and while FASCINATING I FEEL like I could be doing something better with my time, but this might be me beating myself up again.

Anyway that’s where I’m at, yo.

I should also print business cards.

Later!

Happy Birthday Obama!

My ex, the one that I can’t seem to get over and former President Barack Obama have the same birthday, so going forward I’m going to try and celebrate Obama’s birthday instead of remember my ex.

But while we’re on the topic, hello.

I can’t stop thinking about you, or maybe I’m just remembering you.

I think about those last words you said to me on xanga, how I’m just thinking about a product of my biased memory but I wonder why this is only affecting me.

I swear there was magic when we met, when we kissed, and I’ve tried and come close to finding someone else but I’m always right back to being single, ready to mingle, alone and unknown.

I don’t wallow in this emotion, I recognize the love I had for you, I want to meet someone else but it feels like I just can’t. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough? I’m really not trying at all, but I also don’t want to feel this way, again.

_________________________________

ASIDE FROM ALL OF THAT YUCKY SENTIMENTAL CRAP, I’m planning for the Boston Art Book Fair again, hopefully, it will be held this year. 2019 it was held in November but I’m just trying to make sure I order books on time so that I’ll have something on hand to sell. Don’t know how many books but hopefully I’ll have the money to get at least “enough.”

Work is great, life is good, I haven’t managed to lose any weight but I’m taking this “Fat Boy Phase” in stride. It’s not the biggest concern on my mind and I think I’ll lose the weight eventually I just gotta find my routine first.

That being said, I’m hungry as I type this out and I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to eat for dinner today. I’ve been big on chicken wings recently, trying them from all sorts of different places. Some are better than others but that’s what you should expect when you have other people cooking your food right?

I’m living the dream man, and I hope you are too.

If I think of anything else to blog I’ll do it later in the month!

Another Day, Another Dollar

The title, that's what I’ve been telling myself recently, “Another Day Another Dollar.”

I’m trying to lose weight but the methods I’ve been using to go about and do that are failing me.

Honestly I think I just need to workout more, be more active and I’ve started, working out at least once a week but it’s not enough, I know it’s not enough and I need a change. I’ll get there, “Where there’s a will there’s a way” my mom used to say I just wish it was something that could happen, overnight. And if it could happen overnight America wouldn’t have to worry about being obese.

Not much else has changed. I’m still trying to write and draw at least once a day but some days are better than others, and as I explore the digital space and what that means for my art I just feel as if I’m starting over from square one, like I’m learning to draw again and it’s entirely frustrating. That, or it means I was never as good at drawing as I thought I was, which is even more frustrating, but I’m working at it.

My job is good, my finances are okay, I think I’m going back to school in September, I have no real complaints or qualms. I’m oddly at peace with things? If that makes sense, but what bothers me is that I feel as if I don’t have passion, at least not the way people describe it. Like I don’t have this deep yearning to do or be something I’m not already. Except maybe be rich/wealthy, but I wouldn’t say I’m “passionate” about that either it’s just another desire to manifest on my 8 fold path.

I was going to write a poem about being passionless but I feel like I don’t have all the words for it yet. I have to find time for my creativity that doesn’t cut into my days of rest. Figuring that out is probably my biggest problem.

Well, that just means I can say life is actually pretty good.

Nothing wrong with that.

Where did the time go..?

No seriously it’s already half of half the year!

I don’t have much to say as far as updates go, nothing particularly interesting is happening in my life.

I should be working on more books but I think the pressure to like, put out a book a year is getting to me, and I don’t have that kind of schedule or material rather to actually accomplish something like that.

in terms of having material I’m still fairly consistent when it comes to writing a poem a day and doing a drawing a day, so long as I have my devices with me, but it leaves less time for like, reading. I haven’t finished a book of poetry recently because I’ve been using my time to write poetry, so that project falls to the wayside as I try to develop into a better artist.

I’m still processing feelings for my ex, that’s what my poetry has shown me recently. I have a few poems written about her, a person that’s determined they’re done with me so I, in turn, should be done with them but with each “revealing” poem I untangle more and more emotions, often negative, that I have for this person.

I needed to fall in love with someone else a long time ago but I honestly don’t want to put up with someone else’s shit!

My brother and I went half on a squat rack we recently setup in the basement, along with 500lbs of weights. I plan to use it on the weekends mostly, trying to workout at least once a week until I get more into it, again, for the second time, and hopefully this time I’ll stick with it. I’m almost 300lbs, 292 to be exact so, I need a change.

I’m listening to a podcast and trying to watch a Twitch Stream while I write this, and writing this sentence tripped me up the most, but that’s all I have for today.

”Make moves in silence” as they say, pretty much all I got going for me, heh.

Get one in before my subscription runs out

Don’t worry, I won’t lose this website (I don’t think. ;) )

My moms birthday was two days ago, May the 4th be with you was one day ago, I keep missing all the good shit, but I wasn’t really in the mood to write!

I won’t speak much on either of these celebrations, the least I can do is get my mom a card. My brother secured an edible arrangement and we split the money for it so there’s also that, BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW!?

The days keep getting longer between when I write poems, and since I bought this laptop I haven’t drawn anything in even longer, not to mention this laptop was purchased for the intent of organizing a new book but I haven’t come close to that goal either.

I think it’s because I’m stressed out. I withdrew from my classes and that leaves me with much more time to stay in bed before work but eventually I’m going to go back to school. I changed my major from Computer Science to Liberal Arts because it’s the fastest route to get my degree an be done with it. EVENTUALLY, I’ll pursue my bachelors, I think, I’m fairly certain I will but for right now I just want to be out of Bunker Hill. Don’t want to look back, just want to move forward.

As far as art and books, my 3rd book, “Lovers” is in the final stages of being edited and republished. I don’t know how so many spelling errors got past before but now, after extensive viewing, it should be good to go, and this new, revised version is the one I plan to sell at the Boston Art Book Fair, IF, it’s being held this year. So I’ll have 3 things I’m selling. Two books of Poetry with illustrations or photography and a comic book. Maybe some stickers too.

I’ve also started playing video games again, currently I’m playing Monster Hunter Rise but I have a pretty substantial backlog of games I have to finish as well, hopefully I’ll get around to playing them.

There’s stuff in the back of my mind about starting a YouTube or streaming on Twitch but I don’t really have complete thoughts formulated about it so I’ll end this transmission here.

Later Gators!

I think I'm a wee bit depressed

WHATS UP PARTY PEOPLE IN THE PLACE TO BE!? YOU READ T HAT TITLE RIGHT, I THINK I HAVE MAYBE JUST A SMALL CASE OF DEPRESSION.

A few months back I asked to be recommended a therapist but now I’m not even sure if I have time for therapy, maybe on the weekends of the offices are open.

It’s just the usual stuff, everyones having babies and I’m stuck being a struggling artist, like the world moving on without you. Of course, this is just the present and we do not yet know what disasters the future could bring for these budding families, not that I wish any disaster upon them it’s just hard to not compare.

I thought I was with my forever girl once and now I’m a fat slob wanting to get in shape but not putting in the leg work to get there. My body doesn’t really bring me down as much as you might think, but it would be nice if all of my cool shirts fit me again. That’s something I’m looking forward too.

I’m not slacking however, I’ve been trying to keep consistent with writing poetry at least, but it’s in a private document on my computer. I’ve been writing since February 4th of this year and the goal was to write a poem every day but sometimes you get distracted or you really don’t feel like writing so it’s been hit or miss but I think the longest time I’ve gone without writing was maybe 10 days then I got back on the horse. Keeping yourself accountable is hard and app notifications don’t exactly crack the whip like a person would, but hey I’m keeping the juices flowing regardless.

I think the first thing to do to get me out of my depressive state is to clean the house, if not the whole house maybe just a small portion and see where it goes from there.

Later!

Beware the Ides of March...

What’s up party people in the place to be? Hows it hanging with you because for me life is REASONABLE.

The run down is school sucks, my art (I feel) sucks and work is great, I’m at work right now as I blog this.

sigh so where do I begin?

Let’s start with art: I’m comparing myself to all the great instagram artists out there making killer pieces, putting in upwards fo 17+ hours into an illustration and getting jobs doing art. Jobs that I’d like to consider dream opportunities while I sit around and mull about a few projects I need to complete before I die.

With that being said I’m not completely down and out, I went ahead and submitted my book “Lovers” to be republished and this time copy edited to check for spelling and grammatical errors after a woman bought my book and told me it had a bunch of errors in it. My theory is that either I submitted the wrong poems or the proofreading I did wasn’t enough and so, the copy editing begins! Hoping and praying that I get the opportunity to present the book at the Boston Art Book Fair this year so long as COVID vaccines do their job and I might even table with a longtime best buddy Rene Dongo. Fingers crossed!

I remember the “successful” tables at the fair where tables that people already knew about, they had already established a following where as I’m just starting to build a following, that being said I’m not really disheartened by that, I just hope I can keep churning out work and eventually get to a place financially where all I do is focus on my art. That place seems to get further and further away some days.

School: I got a late start because they cancelled the order on my textbook and I haven’t caught up the the class yet, I haven’t submitted any work and I’m CONFIDENT I’m going to fail, again. At least this time I’m paying for my education out of my own pocket instead of relying on financial aid, which would make me jump through hoops to get considered again for a pell grant and I don’t know how many times I can rewrite the same letter and tell them “This semester will be different!” Like fuck it I’m just gonna do it myself, FUCK AID.

But honestly it still doesn’t feel right, failing over and over and spending nearly $900 to do it, somethings gotta give. I told my teacher I usually get the idea the second time around but she said she didn’t want me to repeat classes but if I plan to get my bachelors I’m probably gonna repeat a few classes to increase my GPA. I can clearly see the path that I’m on, I just hate the ride/journey.

Work: Work is awesome, keep being awesome work. This is probably one of the best jobs I’ve ever had and I don’t feel like letting it go or moving on, at least not until something comes along with higher pay. I can keep doing this for a while and I’m glad my occupation is so relaxing/rewarding. I’m probably going to sing these praises of my job until something DRASTIC happens, but fingers crossed that nothing that DRASTIC does happen ya’know?

AAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDD that’s it for the update, it’s like 2/3 things are bad but I don’t have anything else because of COVID. Like if I could go clubbing on the weekends (translation: Disco Dancing) I’d have a nightlife distraction, but COVID just makes it easier and easier to sleep all day and wait for the work week to start.

I might go to the movies,

we’ll see.