Trauma

It’s fucked up that they Weaponized normal signs of affection and romance on you so that you always have a visceral response to it.

Emigration

Voices say you’d rather be alone than to live with me in Dorchester.

But honestly if you have as much money as the voices say you have, you could move to anywhere in the world and support us.

Thats not ideal either, I know, and eventually I would try to find work so it’s not just your burden to bear.

Three Little Words

Voices say you’d never want me to say “I love you” for reasons.

So I won’t.

But I want the best for you.

I’ll say that instead.

In the snow

That restaurant near Central Park, when you went in and told me not to follow.

Voices say you gave someone a blowjob in their.

I thought you just had to take a shit.

I know “Kalfauni” wanted to go in after you but I convinced him to wait.

I remember you came out and you said you spit on someone’s plate.

Spit out their semen?

It doesn’t make sense.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to think of you.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to think you have common decency and you’re a respectable person.

But these fucking voices make you sound like a sex crazed, chaotic neutral maniac. And I’m at fault for missing out on your temporary pleasures…

what the fuck.

Steinar one ups me?

Voice say not only is Steinar evil, he’s trying to out do me…. In some capacity, mostly sexual…

If he REALLY wanted to out do me he’d join the “no fap” challenge for longer than 3 months.

But also they say he cut his phallus off…

Remember the dinners?

When you were in the green dress and we went with people from my job At the time to the Vietnamese restaurant?

Voices are saying you were masturbating at the table, that you wanted me to bend you over the table and fuck you.

Then they say the consequence of that is that I’d have to come out of the closet and you’d kill yourself.

They also say “that was someone else”

But even at my high school graduation dinner with my family you were about to do something weird with the utensils.

Idk.

It’s not true

Voices say there are all these people telling you, or saying that they love me, but it’s not true.

I’m being ignored and avoided.

I’m being sabotaged from moving on to a new relationship.

I’m being harassed or stalked by these same individuals.

How is that love?

Shouldn’t I be sharing drinks and laughs with them instead?

Having parties?

Going to see new experiences?

It’s all lies.

“Everything I say is the opposite” and other childish games of that nature.

I’m not out of reach, all of my social media is public, if they wanted to reach me, they could, they still can, I’ll pick it back up like it was nothing, but until that happens, it’s all lies.

Fuck what you heard.

Mary

Voices are saying you wasted a ton of money going “all out” in Boston, but the person these disembodied voices wanted to be with/have sex with is my ex, Mary.

She’s blocked me on all platforms as well, but I try to avoid her, out of courtesy.

Edit:

Okay now the voices are saying she had sex with 4 people in my bed, behind my back, without my permission I guess.

And that was such a fucking long time ago, even before you, and I said to her “I’m not gonna make the same mistake” when we broke up and the voices say she’s still hung up on those words as well.

Again, I’m blocked by her on socials, so it’s not like I can confront her, I would do that if I could, but I did see her on the dating app “Hinge” a while back, which is why I don’t have a profile on that app.

Edit 2:

Now they’re saying she was raped! I remember the day I gave her the house keys and she didn’t want to go to class, she was with another girl but holy cow why the revelation right now????

Stop looking at me

Every time I pick my nose and eat its contents in the comfort of my home a flash of your face judging me appears in the corner of my eye.

I’d buy Kleenex if we were together, but this is me, as a messy unhygienic bachelor.

Lemme alone.

All of a sudden

The voices have gotten much quieter I’ve the last hour or so.

They say you gave the pastor a blowjob and that’s the reason why.

They also want to know if I have the capacity to keep writing to and about what I hear without the voices.

Of course I do.

But if I’m not hearing anything, it’s turn into a “once in a while” type of thing.

All in all I’m still gonna need to time to recover from all this. I could be playing video games right now but it feels better to just lay in bed.

A new challenger

A buddy of mine I play Pokemon Go with… let’s call him Scyther, he’s in my head too now, talking about you shaking hands with period blood all over them because your office/job is interabang where everyone has sex with everyone else, and that’s how you got the job to begin with.

I don’t understand why Scyther is here tho.

In the DR

Two people

Got blowjobs

You would love to tell me what happened now that I’ve so throughly insulted you

So say the voices

Volunteering

Voices say you decide to volunteer at a food kitchen to “be like me.”

And somehow ended up giving out blowjobs and handjobs instead of food?

I want to be alone

This isn’t about being with her again.

I don’t want to date anyone right now.

And it doesn’t help having voices in your head.