Deep Trauma

Voices keep telling me like, your deepest traumas and it’s not in my interest to make you read (if you are reading this) and or relive that, so I’m not gonna type it out this time.

Edit: There’s just so much death and rape and mistaken identity and suicide flooding my mind

Edit: Fuck it, the deep trauma is in reference to why you’re an exhibitionist, or were one, but I posed naked for drawing classes and some “supportive” voices say we’re one in the same.

But NOW they’re saying at the hostel your “father” would’ve shot at Howard, then Odin, the “Solange” and tried to pin the blame on me? You’d give me the gun, my prints would be on it, then you’d kill yourself, and yet somehow this is also being described as “playful.”

Edit: Voices are bringing it back to the hostel in Boston. Saying you went on 7 dates with 7 people after I dropped you off and left. That’s what you meant when you said you’d “seen it before” at the Shepard Fairey exhibit at the ICA, but I’ve said that last part already.

Edit: Hostel In Boston again, had to fuck someone to get the laptop back the voices say.

Sex with 12 ppl on Rus

Voices say you want me to know now, but I know I’ve already explained my feelings about this.

Beyond that, many of these scenarios are being described as “rape” or at least one party is non-consenting, which is worrisome, honestly.

Like I’m sure I’ve said before, we were young dumb and full of cum.

I’ll just leave it at that.

Edit: Voices say you do not want me to be “understanding.”

too fucking bad.

I’ve gone through my “hoe phase” as well. And sure, it was after you, but don’t Americans do things later than Europeans anyway? Weren’t you drinking around 18 or earlier? I started at 21. There were some white kids drinking and we called them white trash at 14 and 15 here in the states but they weren’t my crew.

And I always romanticized growing up in some small town where you fuck for fun, but I’m a city kid and a fucking outcast considering all these people in my fucking head that “love me” but are too damn afraid to reach out and talk to me.

Cant confirm any of this stupid shit with fucking anyone.

So what the fuck ever.

I have to try and figure this shit out, to understand something, cause if not I’ll just be some pent up ball of frustration trying to find my next victim in whatever context you can imagine, cause I know you must be thinking some things of me too.

Insomnia again

Voices are saying a lot.

Saying that I’m next to some girl in a cyan sweater and a white mini skirt that’s someone I don’t want to know about.

Repeating things

That you got fucked on a moped in the DR, put a helmet on your head and the helmet is yellow.

Edit:

The voices tell me you were never serious about our relationship, in any part of the world, but if that’s the case why did I even meet up with you? Why not just get trolled at south station? Why bother with New York at all?

It’s these conflicting themes that cause me the most stress, suffering.

Edit: voices say you never want to see me again

The helmet was a condom?

Great.

Edit: arse fukt on moped

If they didn’t turn you up you wouldn’t have gotten on the bus to Boston

Cool

C4

You would pretend to set charge live explosives in the room and then sit on Howard’s lap and play a game? But what happens if you run out of time? You both die in the explosion? Voices are just saying this is how “playful” you can be. Hard to imagine.

Edit: voices say this was your wedding night, you were turned all the way up and Howard was intimidated but me? I’d get an erection, the voices say.

Point Blank

Voices say you just shot your dad in the head.

where the brain is not the one you give brain to.

Edit: and the voices say you’re going to jail for a long time.

“Family”

Voices just told me not to write on this blog because I’m a part of some “family” and to that I ask, which family specifically, in what context and how does that relate to you?

They say Howard has to turn all the way up his to speak English.

Worlds are colliding.

Romeo and Juliet

The killers song on xanga. Voices say if you stayed you would’ve killed yourself and then they would’ve “turned me all the way up” to see if I’d follow suit and kill myself as well, just for “Black Metal”

Over and Over Again

Edit: Why am I hearing things only someone else should know then? Voices say you cucked your husband. He walked in on you having sex with someone else. But wasn’t he also cheating on you when he went to the bars? Why am I hearing all of this… how does this pertain to me?

Edit: Now they say it’s the opposite, and your husband was fucking someone else. OKAY.

Norwegians Access Internet Code

Voices say you’re in a relationship with whomever accessed a saved tweet on google image search under my name that had your full name in it. How that’s possible, I have no idea.

Edit: Voices say I won’t see you unless I move out of the city of Boston… well I guess I’m not going to see you for a while then…

Playing the Drums on your Corpse

Voices say that was the inspiration for Howards “Black Metal” he wanted to play the drums on your dead body.

What was he gonna skin you and stretch your skin into drums?

Horrible.

Edit: He wanted to make a drum set out of his entire family. Disturbing.

Snowballed him

To put the gun away you gave Steinar a snowball

you know what that is from the urban dictionary definition I shared so long ago

ew

ew ew ew ew ew

Edit:

Voices say when the prime minister turned you all the way up you raped a child.

I didn't delete it

Voices in my head are talking about that google document where I was telling you my location, time stamp, and what was going on in my head.

I still have it.

If you really want to know, I’m at work right now.

My hours are second shift, 3PM-11PM, and sometimes I cover other shifts, Mon-Friday.

You’ll be fine, if I’m really your “inspiration” like the voices say.

If you’ve made it this far, you’re either as strong as I am, or as crazy as I am.

God Speed.

Flies can give head?

What is this some new form of Monster Girl Hentai these voices are talking about?

They say you were “buzzing” when they made you feel like a “fly on the wall” and then you gave someone a blowjob turned all the way up and did cocaine.

Living the dream.

Edit: Monster Girl Encyclopedia

Stanford University

Voices were saying you were attending Stanford University in New York… Stanford is in California.

They were also saying something along the lines of like, you were/are in Boston, nearby, but was arrested for drinking in public. That if someone “turned you up” you’d try to have sex with my brother.

Anyway.

Edit:

Voices say now you’re dating a cheerleader.

Whatever dude.