No ZYN

Every time I have a craving for beer I’m gonna buy hard liquor and try to make a new habit

Self control

Voices say when you said you had “no self control” or very little self control, this is what you meant.

That someone somewhere in some studio with hyper acoustic technology could possess you and make you act and perform like “someone else.”

You’re “playful” which means you’re not okay with people dying, whereas I’m the opposite, and that’s why I have “psychosis.”

They say the world has ended, and they mean this facsimile of it, as we’re all still walking in our native countries or otherwise.

They say you were “kidnapped” at the hostel in Boston, maybe New York as well, as opposed to consenting to going out with other people, and they showed you around town at night, after I had taken you back.

Fuck this.

Every time I write

Someone has to die, the voices say, not remembering that I wrote only a few hours ago that whomever dies is none of my concern.

I want the voices in my head to stop, and I want what’s best for you.

That’s all.

Edit: Just live and let die, Aaron

You don’t want to stay in Boston

Voices keep saying you love me but you hate it here.

This is literally my only foundation right now, and I don’t have a car.

I wouldn’t know where else to move to, save maybe Oregon because I like playing with the idea of working at Nintendo.

I’m stuck here, like you if you were here.

But I’m trying to make the best of it, you can only play the cards you’ve been dealt.

Starting over

At some point in the day the voices got much quieter, but they’re still here.

I’m hoping to get some sleep tonight and maybe they’ll be gone or at least even quieter than they are now in the morning.

Take care.

Stagnate

What did you expect?

For me to just stagnate and die?

That I couldn't live without you?

I had to!

I was FORCED TO!

Did you really expect me to shrivel and become less than?

A Shadow of my former self?

I’ve lived that stage of life already.

Edit: Oh great now apparently I’m a dildo in your “mother’s” cunt. Amazing.

Edit: Fuck you and your stupid fucking rules and bets. Fuck you in a bad way. “Every time he writes I survive”

suck on a cactus.

Edit: Voices in my head say your “family” is in competition over me… weird.

They should be aware that I’m only thinking of one person, the person’s who’s name is literally on fucking everything.

This isn’t “playful” its stupid.

Shota(con)

Voices are saying you’d cheat on me with a kid, but they’ve also been regarding this word “shota” for a wild now, I think in reference to Japanese Hentai.

And, I know the woman they’re referring to, but they’re still using your name/likeness.

Human Life is that Cheap?

Any of these people were just expendable?

For what?

Shitty music?

Anyone around the world, was a simple sacrifice?

For love songs no one would comprehend?

Hilarious.

Voices say you’re waiting

Waiting for me to write something.

I did confront a lot of people about this.

This time it’s about the Boston Bowl, and they say I would’ve caught a “fatal bullet” quickly if I thought all you wanted to do was have sex/give me blowjobs in public.

Hell not even just me, considering how many of the voices in my head admit they wanted to fuck you as well.

Tragedy

Why the fuck are we living in this tragic reality?

This broken love triangle.

This odd love trapezoid.

You love him I love you he loves them they love me.

What the fuck.

And now they say you’ll commit suicide in front of me.

Why don’t they save us all the trouble and sh it the fuck up.

Valkyrie

Voices say you went through with a plot to kill Aaron Wall and his sister.

That you’re never allowed back into the USA.

Bringing it back

To me being a laughing stock, working on my portfolio in that apartment in Allston, trying to get into art school way back when.

You never wanted to be with me, the voices say.

Or that’s the opposite, I don’t wait long enough to find out

My question is

What are native New Yorkers doing living in a hostel?

If they have homes outside of the hostel, why stay at the hostel to begin with?