Whats up party people in the place to be?
I’m writing this blog a few days early because I’m afraid I’m going to be preoccupied come August. I won’t publish this blog entry until August 1st however.
Been absorbing more and more leftist content online and I feel worse and worse about myself. Particularly in the dating sense of it all.
I’m a conservatively raised millennial living in a “liberal” state, but as far as “Attraction” goes the rules are pretty much the same as in some dystopian science fiction novel: “like for like.”
So I’m stuck as a fat black guy with a predilection for white women, really, any woman outside of my race (skin tone) but living in the Racist Revolution of the United States. Worst time to want to swirl, unless you have maybe a degradation kink.
Beyond that however I made this rule that I wouldn’t really put effort into dating until I lost all this extra weight. And the weight loss is going well, steadily if not speedily but I look to my friends lives and one of them just got back together with the girl of his dreams.
I compare myself to other people all the time so I’m comparing myself to him, and he REALLY put himself out there. Like multiple apps, multiple dates, constantly broke because he was going out much and I think “that’s what it looks like when you make it a priority.” And it looks to me like God or the Universe rewarded him for his efforts. So I’m not there yet, but I so badly want to have the same sex life although I’m 3 times his size hahaha. Maybe it’s possible for someone else, but not for me, but also, I’m not making it a priority, and yet I can’t seem to escape feeling bad about myself while digesting all the hyper critical content of the “moral elite” for lack of a better term.
I’m sure I’ll get over it. Like I’m sure I’ll be proud of the body I’ve regained from being consistent and diligent in this fitness journey, but instant gratification is a bitch.
See’ya later alligators!