I talk about wanting to move on from you all the time, but I’d be just as happy if we started over again.
My hallucinations are of you being playful with me, being silly, kissing me, etc.
All these things and more that bring up good feelings.
I keep trying to tell myself that all these stories of you are just me hallucinating, but god do I want them to be real. I want to believe that on your corner of the earth you’re fighting just as hard to make it back to me, and then we can start our next chapter, and I hate that I have to have the right programming to stop myself short from believing this nonsense and just go about my daily routines, trying to make my life better bit by bit, one step at a time.
It sucks, because I think I want both: freedom from my love for you and to love you forever and know that you love me too.