A part of my mind/soul has been corrupted.
As much as it makes sense to try and move on from you, take more steps, position myself even more forward, there is still that longing, nagging sensation that gets coddled by the voices that says we will get back together.
In my mind I try to run away or bury that idea and the feelings that come with it, but I know I’m not really in control of these voices, and the medication only takes me so far before it starts having worse effects.
I mean let’s explore that however.
I want to say “hah, if you approached me and asked to start a relationship I’d say no and spit on you”
but I think the real answer is yes, I would love to start a relationship with you again.
A physical one however, I don’t want to do long distance, and I don’t plan to move to Norway.
Of course, I’ve sent you and I assume you’ve seen the myriad words and pontifications I’ve written about and around the subject but this is the definitive statement: “Sometimes It feels like I can only be with you.”
And the voices echo that I am still in a relationship with you, despite you giving me the cold shoulder at about every attempt I make to contact you.
Hence the cold logic.
But when has logic ever triumphed over matters of the heart?
Fuck.