I tweeted at her once. The voices now say when she “turns you up” you just shit and pee.
My mind these last two weeks has been nothing but violence. All kinds of violence, suicide, rape, and I’m fucking bored of it.
It’s not a matter of wishing we could talk (that’s to the voices) but rather just clearing the air, killing the elephant in the room.
And while I watch shadows of you avoid me constantly, walking by like any other stranger, it only reinforces that you do not want me. You don’t desire me, we won’t be together.
I get it, logically it all makes perfect fucking sense.
You considering what I call “reaching out” “harassment”
You returned my packages and money, save that tablet/laptop.
I understand if you’re afraid or feel unsafe, even when I was going to therapy my therapist noted that you might be deathly afraid, showing empathy for you.
I can use all the logic in the world’s best super computer but these thoughts won’t stop.
My doctor told me not to double the dose of medication on my own, so I’m still complying with her orders, but the voices don’t stop.
Of course, I’m not emailing you, I’m not emailing the Norwegian Royal Court, I’m not tweeting at your prime minister.
I am effectively less “mad” (insane) than I’ve been in the past.
But this shit just won’t fucking stop.