Voices in my head have been saying a lot recently.
that every time I blog you fight with your husband.
That they want me to get over you now, and move on.
These voices have been with me for so long now, you’d think they’d pull from more of my life.
I remember a time before this, where I was moving in and through the streets. Out every other night, liquor every other night.
Why doesn’t it bring up those girls? Why just you?
Granted, I laughed when the voices first started, laughed at everyone except for you.
But now what? They want me to try all over again? While I’m fat and undesirable?
Going off of my last blog, I should’ve gave into desperation of trying to start a family alongside my friends to raise our kids together.
Marry someone out of a need outside of love.
I’d be miserable, and have less money than I have now, that’s for certain, kids ain’t cheap.
Still, my number one rule for these voices is:
“If you want me to get over her, stop bringing her up.”
And yeah, I will remember your birthday every year, that’s a given, but one day out of the year is better than these come and go blogs to no one (myself) constantly making me bitchless in Boston.
I should just make this page private.
But that’s be dishonest.
But people really don’t care what you’re going through so why tell them at all? Why let them know?
Because I’m 5 months down the line in a relationship with some other girl and she’s wondering why I don’t smoke weed and talk to myself so frequently and I gotta tell them I’m thinking about my ex from when I was 19.
It’s just better that everyone knows.
Write me off.
Cast me out.
I become nothing.
And move to a country where “cheating” is “normalized.”
France.
Japan.
Die alone, or at least with someone that gives fewer fucks.
What the hell am I saying…