The girl I liked when I first got to high school is married with a child.
She dated my younger brother for a while, didn’t really go anywhere but maybe it’s the pattern recognition in my psychosis but this feels like a theme for me.
Love lost.
Missed opportunity.
Life doesn’t get much or any better, possibly considerably worse if I did or didn’t fuck one chick, but it’s so hard to sit here and hear all of these voices talk about who you love more, which guy you’d rather suck off, if you were or if you weren’t sexually assaulted.
That’s not all the same as love lost but the voices keep going “you should have stayed” as if they’re talking to you. And why don’t they just talk to you? They’d get it straight from the horses mouth! What you do and don’t like about me, what you will and won’t ever do for or to me ever again.
I can’t convince them of anything and yet somehow they react to my every action…
This blog, for a change, isn’t a response to something I’m hearing.
I just saw that old crush’s Instagram post, because we’re friends, and I thought about would life be different if I dated her. Who knows maybe she’d hate black guys too if I did.
So many people just hate me after dating me and I don’t know why.
This is going places I don’t want it to go. Stopping now.