I can’t force myself to hold it in any longer.
I hate that I feel anything but to pretend that I feel nothing is a grating sensation. As if my skull is being sliced open one small layer at a time and the flood of thoughts about you and anyone else freely enter and exit my mind.
But the point is I hate that I feel anything.
I have all the logical reasons in the world to tell myself I shouldn’t care, that I should go and try to do something to take my mind off of things, but still it all come rushing back, in the dead of night, when I’m alone, trying to sleep and all of a sudden it’s 6AM, I need a few hours of shut eye for work but the voices only want me to stay awake and be tortured by thoughts of you.
Do I love you? Or am I being haunted?
Why can’t we just talk?
We couldn’t we work as friends?
Questions I’ll maybe never get an answer too but what else is there to ask?
I was even asking for much. I just wanted to make it to 19 days, 24 hours past the last time I blogged something of substance, barring my activity on Twitter.
19 days.
But again, I can’t just hold it in.
Which is good in a way, it’s growth, the wiki guess to be vulnerable, to look for solutions, but does it matter who I do this around if it isn’t you?
Do I love you? Or am I insane?
Do I love you? Or am I broken?
Do I love you?