I’ve been having tiny flashes of you all week, maybe for even longer.
It’s not my prerogative to try and update this blog everyday, I’m not suffering from my illness like I have in past writings.
I was watching a YouTube video of a woman from Sweden and I thought “They say white people have no culture but there seems to be an abundance in. Scandinavia” and then I thought that you didn’t think to share any with me, didn’t think to give me any semblance of understanding.
And I go back to thinking that I shouldn’t feel anything for you, you gave up on us, on me, so quickly, there’s no real point or logic in feeling this way, and yet I do.
I listened to some music, and like how I built that older playlist, there were songs I could attribute to you, but like how the Killers now have a separate identity, adding those new songs to the playlist felt like me reaching to try and include something of you in my life. So I didn’t include those songs, didn’t even favorite them.
Honestly I want to think of you less and less, and I suppose I’m just trying to figure out how to do just that.