Life has been much better since I’ve been regularly taking my medication.
I’m still not dating, but I also think the people in your life, the people I affected, the people I reached out to, would just want to forget about me, maybe me, forget about them, as I continue living here on the other side of the planet.
Your birthday is in three days, and while I think “Well maybe I could celebrate Obama’s birthday instead?” I know it’s all just a ruse to try and avoid thinking of you, it’d be better not to celebrate or try to make the day any more significant with something else, at all.
Even though I write this, I’m somewhat scared of becoming a big name celebrity and have to talk about you, what I did, the consequences of that, etc. It feels like you won’t talk about it, you’re out of reach for all I know, but can I confront it? Would I “lose fans” and how would that affect me?
It’s a possible future, yet not one already determined.
I’m not speaking of “love” or even “madness” now.
I’m calm.
Maybe complacent, but the me that wrote those things only a few years, months ago feels like an entirely different person already.
I did some therapy as well, it helped, but I don’t know that it gave me what I wanted, but neither will you, so I’m stuck with this lump in my throat, trying to apologize, wanting to make amends, accomplishing neither.
It’s not even about “closure” anymore, but I suppose if I need to speak with you to move on, then somewhere in that feeling, “closure” exists.
Well me and my lumpy throat may at least have one shot for your birthday.
I hope you’re happy and healthy.
I wish only for your own prosperity,
always.