There are so many variables at play.
Voices earlier in the day said you’d pinch me because I’m honestly dreaming if I thought we were getting back together.
And quite literally I had that dream.
I don’t remember it now but I remember going through the day and going “wait no that’s not true.”
I’ve been thinking about you so much without thinking about you.
And yeah, the psychosis kind of forced my hand when it comes to admitting how much I love and adore you, but the psychosis also makes it feel like I never knew you at all.
I’m not, slamming my head against a wall about it or anything but I can’t pretend to be apathetic either.
I’m numb, but I still feel, at least in small amounts.
No more screaming into voice recordings.
No more video threats of coming out of the closet.
No more trying to do anything just to get you to respond.
That’s all that was.
But why were YOU so damn important.
Why wasn’t it a girl that actually lived nearby? Someone that wouldn’t cost $4,000 to visit regularly?
And why’d you get into a relationship so quickly?
How’d you get over me so soon?
Why did I drag myself near deaths door so many times, so frequently every time life decided to try and put someone else in my arms?
That’s over now but I was such a sad, wild man.
And I’m over here still rapping about it, thinking of you, wishing I knew what was true, wanting to see you, only knowing your name.
What else is there..?
