Makes sense to me!

“If you can’t give me everything, don’t give me anything at all.”

I say that to myself because I do want love, to love again, to love someone who loves me back.

I don’t want to sit here an consider everything you did and didn’t do, you type for a living and can’t respond to an e-mail.

You’ve called the cops on me.

You’ve warned me you’d promote racism.

And I have the logical facilities to know that you and whomever believes your racist ideology is someone I should avoid.

That makes sense to me.

Voices tell you you’d try to spend all the money I have saved for retirement, and maybe it was foolish that I shared that with you.

Voices say the day you walked away from on Newbury Street, you would have taken my credit card (had I had one) and have bought a trip far far away from me. Maybe back home, maybe somewhere else, who knows!

I have both hallucinatory and real evidence that we won’t work out in any kind of relationship if these issues aren’t addressed.

I’m not holding out hope!

I want to move on!

But if I can’t move forward what else can I do?!

I’ve tried everything.

I won’t kill myself, my life and the people in it are more valuable than just you.

And yes in my memory of you you’re my favorite person, but like you said something similar in that xanga message, thats just you in my mind.

I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT!

So why must I suffer so much? WHY!?