I don’t know how I’m supposed to love you, how I’m supposed to trust again.
This goes beyond you, as at present I feel as if I’d be more comfortable being alone with my thoughts and the ebb and flow of my feelings.
I’m hearing, seeing, experiencing all of these conflicts inside and yet somehow, outside of myself.
Angst isn’t a strong enough word to describe the internal turmoil.
And I love the word angst, it’s a good word.
Anyway, this is more for me than it is for you, I just think right now it’s unfair to claim I love anyone, given all that I’ve said and done.
And yeah, no relationship can stay in the honeymoon/puppy love phase forever, but I wish I could’ve reeled in my insanity sooner.
I wish I wasn’t so impulsive.
I wish I was never arrested.
But I don’t think it would’ve been any better had I “surprised” you with a visit.
For your safety you deserved to know.
If we were on good terms and I was regularly visiting you would know.
But here come the voices, droning on and on about how the world is “turned up” and who you’d cheat on me with.
How everything I’ve been taught to know and love is a lie.
How I’m the “slow” one, the Gleeborp…
Fuck this.