My hallucinations manifest before me. Last night I saw Howard try to emulate me by hanging himself, and you threw the chair out from under his feet and he got scared and claimed he almost died, and you said you wanted him too.
The voices keep trying to get me to think that no woman in Boston wants me, if I make eye contact with another woman I get this “rush” and she in my mind says “she is not [your name] and never will be.” That happened when I was grocery shopping last Saturday.
The voices want me to think we’re getting back together, at some point, and you already have property you either own or manage or someone else close to you owns or manages here in Boston, nearby, not too far from Savin Hill station.
It’s wearing me down.
I don’t think I’ll ever “believe” the delusions but maybe, day by day I’m slowly wishing it were true.
I just want to speak to you again, who knows where it goes from there.
Yesterday I heard Howard say he’s been waiting for you since you were 16, and you indicated that I’ve been waiting much longer.
But also, somehow I’m not just waiting around for you, since I have a job, despite my mental health.
It’s all, very tiring.