Voices in my head are bringing up this time in Allston when I was still smoking weed and I saw you in my mind, with another girl, laughing. You were ghostly outlines, one pink and one blue and I couldn’t tell who was who but you were glowing pink in New York with your parents so maybe you were that one.
At the time I thought that you were laughing at me. I was shook then thinking you had and have never loved let alone liked me, but I kept as cool as I could’ve and hung out with my friends at the time.
The voices just try to pound home this message that I’m the only one that thought we had something special.
And then tomorrow maybe they’ll tell me how much you love me, and then drive me to the brink again.
I’d say something like “I can’t take this anymore” but that’s a lie.
I’m good at dealing with this.
I get praised for how I deal with this.
You’re the only thing that’s wrong in my life, but yesterday I did some Astrocartography to find other places in the world to maybe travel to and find love, hopefully a love more powerful than what I seem to think and feel there is between me and you.
But my heart is a fine sand.
If I don’t move to these places, I doubt love will last.
I doubt anyone wants to follow me back to America.
In all the places I saw, there wasn’t anything for me, anything noticeable in Northern Europe, so you don’t have to worry about me visiting again.
Jail wasn’t so bad but honestly, once is enough.
Not sure if I want to throw all my cards at astrology but I have to believe that there is someone, something better out there.
And if there isn’t then I might as well get a dog.