Gotta be honest, I’d be a little embarrassed if you said you wanted me.
I don’t have a degree.
I don’t think I make enough money.
I’m out of shape.
I still enjoy the things I enjoyed as a child/teenager and I feel like you’d try to shame me for that.
The person that would shame me for these things isn’t the person I want however… so who, or what do I want?
It runs through my head all the time: you get an apartment that’s local to the area, I move in, we begin our life together.
Or you get an apartment, I still live here, somehow I’m paying for two places, I have to meet in the middle.
Or you live with us, and my brother doesn’t want that, you probably don’t want that.
It’s unsustainable, I just have to think about it for a bit longer than the feeling lasts, right?
Maybe there’s another reason as to why we aren’t communicating.
There’s another reason why I can’t paint everyone in that part of the world with the broad brush that you gave me.
There’s another reason why I can’t just bottle up all my emotion and close my heart, steel my mind.
But I can’t inquiry that divine revelation.
I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and one day, maybe I’ll be someone you’d be proud to be with, again, because maybe you were already.
But by the time I’m him, will I even feel the same?
🤦🏾♂️