Today the voices are saying you did want to stay and keep our relationship, but there was something else that either prevented you from doing that, or something you wanted to do more.
They don’t tell me what those things are, those things that prevented you from being with me, the voices kind of start loud and get quieter as they begin to explain their reasoning, which I know sounds like a convenient lie from someone trying to convince you that they’re crazy but if I wanted to really let you know I’d be in prison in Norway again.
I’m not sure what I feel anymore. Or at least for today. Maybe my mood matches the grey weather and fog outside, as I hear things that should make me either happy or sad but I just feel tired.
What I need is to hear from you, not some, illusion or hallucination.
I try to live my life with as little “delulu” as possible and all the while the world tells me it’s okay to wish from what may never happen.
I’d wish to get back together with you.
Well that and a million dollars but I’m closer to earning a million dollars than I think I am closer to talking to you again so that supersedes that.
Ugh.