Caesar

5/15/23

18:21

@Work

I saw a woman with a baby today and I thought of you.

The yearning doesn’t feel as strong anymore, but still, will this go on forever? Will I yearn, think, look for you in every woman that’s slightly Scandinavian?

I was looking for grants for artists a few weeks ago and I stumbled upon this man, William H. Johnson, who married a Danish woman and was an Artist and African American. I thought to myself when I first came upon his story and now discontinued grant opportunity “Maybe I should’ve gone for a Danish girl…” or Swedish, but times were different right? And I’m looking for forever if I do that much work, and not just a good time. Anyway.

What is this? An Introduction to the page "X"

Some people know and some people don’t, but one of the reasons I don’t pursue romantic relationships is because I still feel like I’m not over my ex.

It’s weird because it’s been so many years that have gone by, she wants nothing to do with me but still I find my body reacting to certain things, stimuli that vaguely remind me of her.

I’ve been trying to decide whether or not I should publish this or if I should make videos or just speak to a therapist but honestly I think I want a dialogue with someone, anyone, not just professional help, friends too, EVEN THOUGH, I do think I already know what everyone is going to say, and at the same time, I still a sensitive boy with feelings, thoughts, emotions, and it’s healthy for him, that boy, to express himself.

Don’t worry, I’m talking to a therapist as well, but for anyone at least a little bit curious, there’s this.