Allow me to explain

I know I cruise through porn like no ones business but it feels like I can catch a glimpse of something, hence the “reminders” folder. It’s a little fucked up in hindsight but this particular image was from an 11 second video I couldn’t load where I black guy is fucking some white girl, and it feels like it pertains to how Aaron Wall, had you met him instead of me, would have treated you, or anyone for that matter.

The context to the image is that they’re fucking outside near a busy street in the alley of some buildings.

Voices like to say had we done anything in public like this, you’d have been suicidal.

I'm doing my best

I’m trying to confirm these things with the people in my life. What’s hard is the paranoid ideation that they’re lying to me, which comes with the voices, I suppose.

Stuff

https://twitter.com/iaintoncrack/status/1808596368799289617?s=61&t=T6MOSr086ozOM3P5IJ4Qdg

Bus Ride

Voices are saying you masturbated next to me on the bus ride to New York.

They expect me to be mad or put off about this, which is the strange part.

They say you were just so “turned up” that you had to do it.

Regardless that’s a weird thing to be upset about. You could’ve easily grabbed me and we could’ve did something.

I thought you were reading a book then you fell asleep on my shoulder.

I think I was listening to music?

Maybe we kissed a little, idk.

It was so long ago.

Edit: voices say I’m too big for that and if you did manage to get it done you’d spit it out and then have become completely suicidal and left me on the Sidewalk in New York or something

Four Horseman

The four horseman of your current Facebook photos:

  1. you as a lesbian

  2. You “closed up”

  3. You fearful/skeptical

  4. You when you cheated on someone

Harbinger

I don’t care who dies.

Edit: Voices say in Norway men are erect and women are wet, social order/the boundaries of political relationships are broken, you take what you can get (sexually)

Jabronie

Voices say Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson turned all the way up to punch you in the face and it broke your nose…

Edit: you never want to go out with someone as slow as me voices say

Edit: voices say you can never be a celebrity because you are a cat turned all the way up

edit: voices. Heroes. Again.

Edit: “Phillip Grompus is putting me in my funeral home”

Edit: all this blowjob talk makes me sick to my fucking stomach

edit: Sex with Bjarte

Spitting Feces on a Phallus

What they would “make you do” if you were here in Boston

edit: When you told me you know how “The Pirate Bay” works you meant that people follow or go to where the most recent ip address is located in the world to what? Find like minded individuals or people to inspire the next episode of shows or movies they downloaded/pirated?! How does that make any fucking sense.

Oh and oh yeah, I’m supposed to believe Reinhart Kil, creator of “Whore” (2009) is filming with the people I sent you in emails in Boston, but again, if he’s following IP address locations, he should know, I never wanted to meet him. I just wanted to watch a fucking weird movie.

I wish I did say it

I wish I did tell you I loved you in New York

I wish you did laugh at me

I wish you did spit in my face

I wish you did spit shit at me

cause maybe then I would’ve learned my fucking lesson

Global Time Zones

I’m putting a clock for Norway back on my phone.

Voices keep saying you’re getting raped by your “father” turned all the way up but this shit isn’t making any sense to me. So I’m adding a clock and some timezones again so I can verify what time it is.

If you people are sleeping in anyway like me, sure I might believe it, but I also think its important to prioritize sleep, I don’t care how “turned up” you are and or would be.

Edit: voices say you can use the Thu’um, nice.

Aussie Aussie

Voices keep saying that that was you on the train that I called Australian. That you did want to stay in Australia, that you did Krokodil.

Voices are making some point about your degenerative bone disorder, that you’re living for a “good” not a long time.

I’m not trying to convince you of anything or get in your way, I just want this to stop.

Even if I talked to you on the train the voices say you’d be unintelligible or something. Or maybe mute, idk, I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to move forward on this path I’m carving for myself.

Edit: Once again, they say you have herpes.

Edit: I’m not going back to update older posts. Voices saying they turned the plane around cause you gave a blowjob in the plane bathroom or whatever.

Edit: Okay, the plane blowjob wasn’t you, it was someone else. I’m just writing what I hear and I’m not waiting long enough for them to reveal who it truly is…

Hypothetical

Voices are saying if we were together and were social in my terrible 20’s you’d have been raped, constantly.

But if we were together in my terrible 20’s I doubt I’d have the same lived experiences, at all.

Edit: Voices say you just shit me out, and something about buying a plane ticket and leaving your family in Argentina to come back to Boston… something is off tho… something feels off about that last part.

Edit: You spit shit at the dudes that asked you for sex for your laptop the voices say, nice lol

And I asked my aunt about what happened that morning. She said you helped her make breakfast for us. I just have to trust her word at that and not let the voices completely take me over. It’s just so distressing, and disturbing. More so because it challenges my good memories. I would love to just remember the good times we had, without all of these extra feelings of betrayal and infidelity.

Edit: Voices are saying you wanted Aaron Wall but when you met him He pulled a gun out on you. Thats why you did whatever you did with him.

Edit: Voices are saying that I know I have good memories of us, and you don’t like me because I don’t bring those memories up often enough to I guess, counter the voices. But I think I’ve said this before as well: I don’t want to live in the past.

I wanted to marry you, that didn’t work.

I tried to move on, somehow it didn’t work.

I’m at a standstill on my island where the only inhabitant is me.