“For Yourself”

I just had two copies of the book and wanted to give one away. I still don’t know why I had two copies.

Voices say if you read it you would be a lesbian because you’re “turned all the way up” and somehow that notion is hilarious.

Thea and the Jets

Let me just wax poetic for a second

a bit of free writing

voices are regaling me with the “full story” of the time you met the jets player

I don’t have the patience to wait around for the full details

my heart is numb

and somehow I still feel

but now I need those “good memories” to remind me of what I know

to know that I met you later

to know that you came to Boston

to know that I did something of significance with you at a later date

instead of hearing that you were raped

or had sex

or were fucked

or did the fucking

over and over and over and over and over

and over again

I don’t know how much more of this I can take

but I have to keep living

In the shower I said that I could count on my hands how many countries I’ve visited

I know I want to see more of the world

I know there’s new music

video games

movies

comics

to write and read that I want to experience before I die

but this

I won’t pretend like this isn’t hard

"In on it"

Voices say “if you write that down, you’re in on it”

but I’m gonna write it down anyway.

They say to get on the plane to Argentina, you had to east someone out.

Well, you and me both know there was only one person you could’ve done that too.

I don’t know what scam or heist I could be in on, but if me being in on it makes you want to avoid me, then avoid me.

Go ahead and live your best life.

Better than "I Love You"

Lyrics to “Inspiration” by Chicago

[Verse 1: Peter Cetera]
You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
And I want you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
Always on my mind, in my heart
In my soul, baby

[Chorus: All]
You're the meaning in my life
You're the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You're the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin'
"No one needs you more than I need you"

[Verse 2: Peter Cetera]
And I know, yes, I know that it's plain to see
So in love when we're together
Now I know (Now I know)
That I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know (Yes, you need to know)
Everywhere I go
You're always on my mind, you're in my heart
In my soul

Autonomy

Voices in my head say you’d fuck my mom’s husband, but would he try to fuck you?

I’m pretty good at judging the contents of someone’s character, and I don’t think that scenario would go over well.

Edit: the voices talk and act like every “bad” or ridiculous scenario is a sure thing to happen, that at any point and time you’d come into my life and be a complete and total home wrecker.

Even if that were the truth, that’s not the space I’m holding open for you, at this time.

Under Control

Voices say you’re under the control of someone that absolutely Hates your guts

Edit: ya’know, the voices claim you have plenty of sex for a girl “no one would want”

Edit: Voices say Odin wants me to believe everything that pours into my head, but I’ve explained why I can’t do that before.

Edit: there’s a tits bounce house at the sex museum in New York now because when you went back with someone I assume he use much more force than I did, and they “turned you up” so to not remember that you got a toy reduction.

Edit: somehow this same guy relates to Australia and Krokodil.

Edit: voices are making it sound like you barely got through the fucking door with this other guy before he tried to make a move on you at the sex museum

Sleeping Around

Voices say you’ve been in Boston sleeping around with everyone but me.

Voices should know you can do whatever you want, your body, your choice.

I just want to talk to you, so I can clear my head.

What happens after that is to be determined.

Scary

Voices are implying that I should be afraid of you, or angry enough to do combat with you.

Whatever.

If we ever get to that point you’d be afraid of me too.

It’s better not to direct anger at each other.

edit:

Voices say you’d “hate me so fucking much if I was writing all of this while being with someone else.”

Lady.

You’re on my mind whether I want you to be there or not, 24/7.

I cannot be with someone else.

I could try, but I think and feel that it would be a terrible, horrible, catastrophic, abysmal idea.