Somewhere in my mind exists an alternate reality.
In this reality we still see each other, we visit each other, we still friends, sometimes lovers, and even though you pull away you seem to come back. Or maybe it’s this one scene playing over and over again in my mind, I know it’s imaginary but it won’t release its hold on me.
I was dreaming of you this morning, so much so that I got out of bed late. Somewhere in my mind it said I should plan another trip to Norway, to do the things I set out to do the first time, sans trying to find you. And for a while that felt like a good idea, until I realized how much I have going on, on my side of the world, and if for some reason I as arrested for 6 months like the police said, that would throw one hell of a wrench on my plans. It’s safe to say that now, I have too much to lose to risk something like that. I reminded myself of that and let the feeling fade.
Voices said you wanted to be with someone white, that’s why we aren’t together.
Voices say a lot of crap, I’m just recording it at this point. Not much of it moves me like it did in the past. It doesn’t spur me to some psychotic action in regards to talking to you.
Just this blog.
And then it’s gone.