I don’t know why I envision a reunion of us, filled with hugs kisses and sex.
It’s peak romantic fiction, in my mind.
Because I state all the reasons why I’m undesirable, I have those last two things you wrote to me, that xanga message, those e-mails before I went to Norway.
I can plainly see that, I can use that as evidence that we will never be again, but the thoughts and feelings persist.
The dreams happen whether I like it or not.
My chest still swells as if I can confide in these, delusions, and say something cliche like “in the end, everything will work out, and everything will be okay.”
It’s a farce.
Why?
Why does this keep happening?
What do I do about it?
It’s like no amount of logic will quiet my heart and soul, they push and pull and urge me to reach out to you.
I just stuff these feelings deep down in my body until it begins to grow out of my toenails?
What else can I do?
Is there anything?
Please, God, Universe, Help Me.
Save me from myself.