I was trying to find this post on Instagram where this guy was talking and saying something like “the people you are surrounded by are versions of yourself, they could be you, for better or worse.”
Currently, for work, I’m surrounded by millionaires.
I reflect on that post and think that as long as I keep working hard, keep the American Dream alive, holdfast to the indomitable able human spirit, I’ll make it, I’ll be fine.
And then my thoughts drift off to you.
Sure, we didn’t make it, together at least.
But if I’m to hold what you say is true, your life isn’t bad either, and if you read my “illusive ranting” maybe you’d be investing whatever money you have into your own countries economy and you’d be close to a couple million yourself.
They say the America Dream is alive in your part of the world, that Norway has more millionaires per capita.
In my search for that one Instagram post I found two more, one about staying the course and the other saying “if it didn’t work out with that person they weren’t for you.”
I want to believe that, but another part of me just wants you back.
I can make it as small as subatomic particles in my mind, completely invisible to the naked eye, but it still feels like it has the gravity of the sun, pulling me back into a space where I’m unsure of myself, in love, and as a result, avoiding finding love all together.
It’s not that I’m still hurt and nursing my wounds, well maybe a little bit of it is that, but I don’t want to be in bed with another woman, telling them I’m committed to them and in secret, writing about or to you.
That doesn’t seem right.
So it’s easier to just avoid it altogether.
Many of these millionaires are in second marriages.
I know I wrote in the past that you were my first divorce, given how far we got just to fall short of actual marriage, but even if symbolically you were my one and only, til death do I part, and it ended, then whom, pray tell, is the next?
I’ll never find them avoiding being in a relationship, I know that, but I also want to get to a better place financially, and a better body physically, before I really start trying to catch one of those many fishes in the sea again.
Of course, that’s a convenient excuse to keep eating junk food and stay fat so I could continue the life I’m living, but no I get more and more serious about physical fitness with each passing day.
And you already know I’m serious about my finances, but I could become a bit of disciplined.
All in all, the future looks bright, with or without you.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CZ3_YSuAk4Z/?igsh=MW51MGlraWN2MW51Yg==
https://www.instagram.com/p/B2t2Uk1gByM/?igsh=MXBwd3V1YjBpaTg3eg==