The voices call you a slut.
I remember a year ago I was hallucinating and I saw you performing fellatio on someone, presumably, “in a hotel” and you noticed me gazing at you, and stuck up your middle finger at me.
I’m open to polyamory, I’ve read “The Ethical Slut” the voices also convince me that I should just change teams and be a homosexual instead of having affection for you.
For starters, the voice telling me that feels awfully immature. I don’t like the idea of being cheated on if I get into a new relationship with anyone, I almost half expect it, because I consider myself boring, hell, I don’t even pursue relationships, but if you’ll allow me to be delusional, and we get back together, I’d hope we can talk about infidelity, in a mature way, because I’m not feeling this deeply for anyone else.
That’s not to say I give you a free pass.
That’s not to say that there wouldn’t be consequences for this action (not referring to violence).
But still, if it happens, in my delusion, I’d like that we can talk it out and work on the issue, perhaps.
Second: I can’t do anything about this.
I know I wrote page after page about radio signals/waves and psychics all vying for power and control over our lives but I feel like this is a “if you love someone let them go” scenario.
I mean, I’d be the pot calling the kettle black if I wanted to damn your name for being promiscuous. I’m the exact same way.
No “Master Key” and “Shitty Lock” scenario, I’d probably do the same thing if I had the opportunity, and that’s that.
So I don’t blame you.
I’ve come to terms with my powerlessness.
Hell, I don’t even write to you anymore.
It’s here on my blog, but it’s not notifying you in your inbox.
I feel like I’m done with you but I’m not all at the same time.
Like I’m working a bit harder to move on, move forward, but here I am, writing like you’ll read it, talking as if you’d listen.
It’s the madness, the lack of sleep, at least that can explain today.