Where I go from here, God only knows.
The voices in my head are talking about a great many things today.
How I’ve outshined people.
When another girlfriend of mine tossed my salad.
And you, of course, as per usual.
Right now they’re barging up when you said you’d “never want to be with a celebrity”
and for the last few days the voices have been going on and on about how I’m their “inspiration”
That I have “one uped” or “outdone” my peers…
That apparently, makes me the talk of the town.
And you’d never want to be with the talk of the town, and I’m not here to try to convince you or attempt to force you.
But I wonder why.
My mind races back to conversations about “self-control” and being a “strong” person, and my mind plunges into this idea that if you were as well known as I am, and you knew my peers, you’d just cheat on me, constantly, with them.
And you wonder why I thought you would’ve done porn.
But that’s even more delusional than I already am. (Which is pretty fucking delusional, mind you.)
And then I go and say, thats stupid, but I know that Compulsive Sexual Behavior happens in adults that were abused as children so if it’s that then were you abused as a child and how often?
I just want this shit to make sense.