I don’t know why my psychosis, my maddening love for you is back, because I am taking my medication.
I’m doing my best not to contact you, but it doesn’t feel difficult to do now, unlike in the past.
My psychosis states that my sadness, my heartbreak is almost communal, that everyone can share in the mistake you made when you broke up with me.
I don’t see it as a mistake, there was a lot of “in-between” that may or may not have happened if we stayed together, and I’m sure there are things about you that I don’t know and can’t know if I’d have responded correctly to them.
As the communal grieving scene from the movie “Midsummer” plays in my head, and I breath and wail and breath and wail, I calm, my fingers are my lungs.
There’s a lot bouncing around inside this dome piece of mine but it feels so trivial to mention, to say.
What I know is that we do not feel the same way about each other, or at least that’s the reality I’ve been presented with.
I can try to bring myself to hate you or feel more negatively about you but at the end of the day the title lover-boy in me remembers his “golden moments” and I distance myself from serious relationships even further as I type with catharsis.
I suppose all that’s left for me now is porn, cartoon porn, onlyfans and my imagination.
Good enough.