This random burst of psychosis really played on the myth and madness.
I feel like I want to say that somewhere deep down I wish we could have a relationship again but at the same time I’m forced to live with the reality of what is true and that I know.
And I’ve said this time and time again, but it never gets easier. It’s this fucking boomerang.
And I just keep trying to put one foot forward, another step just inches ahead of the loving arm as it tries to drag me back to the depths of celibacy and infantile longing, yearning for a day that you’ll recognize my affection.
It feels so fucking pathetic.
I feel so fucking pathetic.
And I know this is human, people go through this, music and art is about this, blah blah blah blah blah!
But I just want to forget, I want to feel good, I want to love again and I want to be free!!!
It’s either with or without you and I’m forced to live without so why even leave space for you in my heart? Why even tempt the idea that there could ever be a “with” ever again?!
Because I don’t hate you.
I’m trying to consider how you feel, beyond what you’ve told me.
I want to just understand.
So many people that I’ve loved, friends, lovers, have left me alone, and I begin to wonder if there is something categorically wrong with me?
Like am I the bad guy here, or am I just a victim of growing pains?
The people at work love me, lots of people have good things to say about me, but the people I love the most seem to leave me high and dry.
Is it my fault? Am I wearing rose colored glasses all the time?
This fucking sucks!
IM NOT EVER DRUNK!!!