I know you’re not reading this, and it’s safe to assume you aren’t checking the playlist either.
Voices in my head keep going on about you, saying you’re “scared.” But you aren’t here at all, I can see my analytics, I mostly get visits from China and India, most likely scammers.
And maybe one time I got a visit from the Netherlands. Wouldn’t give it a second thought to think it was you.
I kept pulling the “Death” Tarot card, meaning something in my life is coming to an end, and honestly I think it’s this.
Maybe not my psychosis as a whole but me giving you grace.
The more I think about it, the further I get from considering what the voices have to say.
I’m getting to a point where I can laugh when they talk about you. Something that was impossible.
I’m getting to a point where I can smoke weed again. Something else that I thought was impossible. I wouldn’t recommend doing it, but I can do it now and know that what I’m experiencing isn’t real. There’s no “conspiracy” my brain is just malfunctioning or something like that.
I wish we could’ve talked at least once. Beyond the email where you told me you’d spread racism and call the cops.
But goddamn, do I want to be with that person? Hell fucking no.
What even happened to you? Or were you always like this.
I have questions I’ll never get answers to I suppose.
Nice knowing you.