To end the black metal album, you needed to stay with me and become suicidal, the voices say.
Now, I can’t predict how life would’ve turned out had you stayed with me.
I assume I’d ask for a raise or find a better job so we could get an apartment, but how would my mother support me, us? How would your family?
Schrodigers Relationship strikes again.
I’m not gonna type much longer, I just keep hearing “you should’ve stayed” and my only response is “well she didn’t, so go away”
When we separated in New York, for the last time, the voices say if I had said “I love you” then, you would’ve spit in my face and acted insane/like an ape, and then your father would’ve come from behind me and slit my throat and killed me.
This was written somewhere on some blog, not this one of course.
I get that I’m being told “don’t trust everything you see on the internet” but if you know my story you know I had no recourse.
Anyway.
Oh now they’re saying you’d just laugh.
They say so many fucking things.
That you’re “Wet” and “wouldn’t want to be without me” when you’re that wet.
I’m sick of it.
Voices say he cut your head off when I sent you a picture of my ninja books.
And you started to cry.
okay.
This guy:
I wrote once on my xanga blog “Authentic_Black_Dragon” :
“Once a cheater, always a cheater”
I was a teenager that thought he knew everything about the world.
People can change, and I know that now.
Some people do, some people don’t, but it is possible.
Just because a mental illness prevented you from holding down a job doesn’t mean you can’t get another one.
Just because you were homeless doesn’t mean you can’t find housing, etc.
But this is a hypothetical relationship, where we hypothetically get back together, and hypothetically you tell me the “truth” and hypothetically or at least according to the voices it’s about how you went “ape” at one of the many hostels you stayed at and had an orgy.
Again, not my words, the voices.
But like they title says, this is Schrodingers Relationship, I’m writing as if I’m in a relationship with you, while knowing I’m not in a relationship with you.
I can go and do what I want with whomever I want, but the voices and the emotional turmoil of that makes that feel like its impossible.
We won’t truly know where we stand until you stop freezing me out.
That’s really it.
Although it feels rather obvious where we stand, I don’t have to sit here and hold out hope for the best possible outcome, but that’s what the voices make me feel, or want me to feel.
ANYWAY!
So all of “Scandinavia” understands that I can only be one of two ways:
Unbearably Playful
Or
As serious as a heart attack
I understand from the things I’ve said and done why you’d be afraid of me.
Like I said, I’m not asking you to get I got a relationship with me again, I just want to clear my head.
I love you and I want the best for the both of us.
That’s the main sticking point, okay?
A is for Augmented Reality
B is for Bulimia
Apparently I have to acquire or come to terms with these two things if I want to see you again.
I reunite with you, and you shoot me in the head and then kill yourself, so everyone else can get what they want.
Making me some sick and twisted martyr in the process.
So say the voices.
There’s absolutely no way I want to be with “M”
Miss Piggy.
Voices say you aren’t even friends anymore.
That you would’ve jumped off the balcony at that concert if I didn’t delete that screenshot.
Apparently she “turned all the way up” just now to be in my room, but I “see through” people, however this fucking works.
It was the same for “Doja Cat” so say the voices.
Whatever, I don’t want to be with her, not in the slightest.
The Movie “Hora” 2009, Reinhart Kil, Norwegians hate it. I get it.
She’s a serial killer, and you “never want to be like that” in reference to me.
But in the 20 guiding principles of Karate it says just because you have the power to kill someone, doesn’t mean you just go around killing people all willy-nilly.
You have to exercise self-control.
And I get that that’s been difficult with this daikon (turn up) technology, but still, there are outlets that aren’t heinous violence.
You have to be able to see that.
Voices are saying if you had stayed in the US with me, turned all the way up, you’d meet up with random people, men from your past or people the people “controlling you” and your social media present set you up with, in Boston, behind my back.
Something like that.
Apparently, every single clone of me just killed themselves…
I was arrested in Norway.
And now the voices in my head are saying when I was jacking off in prison, they took my DNA and cloned me in that country.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPREe3YCU/