Moar Voices

They say: “She won’t stay sentient, she’ll become whatever you want her to!”

and I think “my wife, my life partner”

I don’t remember much of the last few moments, I’ve been letting it fade in and out.

Something about my medication being opiates, being one of the first things I Was prescribed and eventually fell back to.

That I would’ve been raped had I kept taking Ativan, Gordon, Cogentin and Prolixin by that lady at the group therapy class.

All these old moments and memories, flashing in and out.

3 Weeks of Overnight

If the voices weren’t enough I’m seeing you everywhere again.

I feel like I’m devolving back to the time when I would chase after women that had slightly similar features.

It’s bad, but not that bad, at least not yet.

I’ve been losing sleep.

I’ve been ignoring signs from other women, so say the voices.

I honestly don’t know what to do about this, I just write and write and write and write, hoping it will absolve me of my issues but lo’and behold, I’m right back to loving you.

It feels empty however, this time.

Yes I know the emotions are there but there’s no one to accept it.

Just the void.

This white background void.

Revenge of the E-mail(s)

Voices are talking about the time some guy at the hostel took your laptop, and you “would have” given him a blowjob to get it back.

They’re also saying “that’s not all” and you had sex with someone or something like that.

I know we discussed something along these lines on again, MSN Messenger that night or the night after but my memory is hazy.

I’m not holding it against you. (The only thing I want to hold against you is this dick 🥴)

I get it, I understand, whatever, I can’t change the past.

Hold it firmly wherever it is in your chest, prove to me you love me back

blah blah blah.

I don’t have the words anymore for infidelity, I’m just so emotionally drained.

EDIT:

voices say he ejaculated on your feet

Come as you are vs Barbie Girl

Voices say at the hostel, no one took the initiative to reach up while you straddled them.

You got a breast reduction, but before we’d get back together you’d get a boob job again, to be more like a pornstar, the voices say.

I’m the book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoaki

But you sound like “Barbie Girl” by AQUA, the song, right now.

Suck Off

He who shall not be named and A.W. Root Beer, radio jelk’n to you and J.P. licks sucking them off through straws over a radio???

And now you can “be with a celebrity”

Second Child

You’ll get pregnant with A.W. Root Beers kid, because apparently I’m “on my way up” and you can’t be with a celebrity, so you’ll have his child and I assume give it up for adoption in Norway.

And you’ll get herpes.

U luv me but

You do not want me to know every little detail

About you.

I don’t recall asking for every little detail.

Destiny

Voices are saying we get back together and you’re gonna murder me in my sleep and become suicidal.

So be it.

Smorgasbord

You chop people up but don’t eat any of it, I’m included in the chopped food on display.

A charcuterie board?

Voices

Say you hanged yourself, and Howard is in jail for beating your child.

Somehow I doubt this is the end.

Sherlock Holmes

What you’re trying to show me is that you’re afraid of augmented reality.

And apparently the movie “Sherlock” with Robert Downey Jr was all filmed with AR technology.

The slow-mo punches were the effects of technology pressurizing the air around his body or some shit

I’m not the 1 4 U

Voices keep saying you’d pretend to be other people that are “turned up” and claim they love me, instead of being yourself, because either you’d be suicidal or someone from your part of the world wants you to be someone else.

It never works out, and they keep saying what you’d rather be doing.

You’d rather be in the Dominican Republic.

You hate that you’re in Boston (if you’re in Boston???)

You have to take care of your child.

All these things and more.

I’m a broken record, you know what I’m going to say next, so I won’t say it.

I just, don’t want to hear it anymore. Does that make sense?

I want to be alone in my head like I was in the past, why does that feel like it’s impossible now?

I don’t want to hurt anyone.

I’m not begging or being desperate to be loved.

I feel so done with all this, and yet, words pour out.

Emotions build up.

Action is taken.

And while it all seems futile, I hope that in someway it helps.

Me

You

Anyone else that might be reading this.

I hope it helps.

Spontaneity

Voices are saying I’m the only one that would have told you I’d show up in Norway.

But considering all the messages, rather, all of the “harassment” I sent, I don’t think randomly showing up to “surprise” you would have had any better results than what I did regardless.

Like it’s not as if we were on speaking terms, and I showed up to surprise you.

We were and still are, estranged, so I imagine you’d still be shocked or scared.

I don’t regret what I did, but I feel like I’ve exhausted damn near all of my options to be in contact with you.

It sucks, sure, but I’ll manage, I have to.